the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish I only lived at night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
