Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
