people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
