dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
