I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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