it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
