as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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