my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
