I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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