Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
