Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
