what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize