U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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