i can't believe i had my finger in that
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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