cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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