sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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