Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
