I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
