"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
