woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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