woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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