This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
