i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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