New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
