smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
