in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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