So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
