Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
