How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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