Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
