5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
