Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
