I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
