I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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