wat bout pragnant strippers??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
