I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
