weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
