Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
