M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
