She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
