careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
