i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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