Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
