is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
