And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
