you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
