naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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