How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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