with your own penis?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
