College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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