Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
