Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
