Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
