When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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