Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
