i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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