Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
