my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
