We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You've changed since you got that strap on
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
