I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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