dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
