Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
