I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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