Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
