Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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