shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
