got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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