..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Found the puke drawer
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
